6 Ways to Live Life on Your Own Terms

Whose life is this anyway?

It is easy to spend so much time worrying about what other people expect, what they are doing, and whether they approve of your choices that you slowly stop asking what you actually want.

Living life on your own terms does not mean ignoring responsibilities or refusing to consider anyone else. It means making conscious choices instead of allowing comparison, approval, money, habit, or somebody else’s expectations to make those choices for you.

Your life should look like your life.

1. Decide What Matters to You

If you have been in the habit of looking around to see what everyone else is doing, it may be time to bring your attention back home.

Forget keeping up with the Joneses. What are your goals? What matters enough to deserve your time? What kind of life are you actually trying to build?

Living on your own terms begins with knowing what those terms are. That means getting clear about your values, priorities, and direction instead of automatically adopting somebody else’s version of success.

If that picture still feels fuzzy, Do You Have a Vision of What You Want From Life? can help you think it through.

2. Choose Relationships That Respect Who You Are

When you are overly worried about what other people think of you, it becomes easier to tolerate relationships that repeatedly leave you feeling smaller, pressured, or disrespected.

That does not mean everyone who disagrees with you is toxic. A good friend does not have to approve of every decision you make. But there is a real difference between honest disagreement and a pattern of belittling, manipulating, controlling, or hurting you.

Being true to yourself sometimes means setting stronger boundaries and spending less time around people who keep insisting that you become somebody you are not.

3. Use the Gifts You Already Have

Most of us have something we are particularly good at, something that comes naturally, or something we have worked hard to develop.

How often are you actually using those gifts?

Being true to yourself includes practicing your talents, developing them, and giving them somewhere to go. A gift left buried does not help you, and it cannot help anybody else either.

You do not have to turn every talent into a business. Sometimes using your gifts simply means making more room in your life for the things that make you feel fully alive.

4. Don’t Let Money Make Every Decision

Money matters. Bills matter. Responsibilities matter. Living authentically is not an excuse to make reckless financial choices.

But money also should not become the only measurement of whether something is worth doing.

There may be times when the highest-paying option is not the most meaningful one, or when a choice that looks impressive from the outside does not fit the life you actually want.

The goal is not to forget money. It is to put money in its proper place among your other values and responsibilities.

When you are weighing a major choice, How to Make Better Decisions: Ask These 5 Questions First can help you slow down and look at the whole picture.

5. Let Your Results Speak for Themselves

So, you did a thing. Good.

You do not have to turn every accomplishment into a performance for other people. Do the work because the work matters to you. Let yourself enjoy what you created without immediately asking whether everybody else noticed.

People often appreciate genuine results without being pushed to applaud them.

Pro tip? You’ll appreciate the compliment more when you’re not fishing for it.

6. Shine!

Most of all, give yourself permission to be who you are in all your magnificent, fantastic glory.

Living on your own terms does not mean being louder than everybody else. It means you stop shrinking, pretending, or reshaping yourself simply to make other people comfortable.

You can listen to good advice. You can change your mind. You can compromise when compromise is appropriate. None of that requires giving away authorship of your life.

When you embrace who you are and make conscious choices from that place, you become more you than you were before.

Whose Life Are You Building?

You will always have responsibilities. Other people will always have opinions. Money will always matter to some degree. There will always be somebody who thinks you should have chosen differently.

Living life on your own terms does not mean escaping all of that. It means deciding what deserves a vote in your life—and what does not.

Know what matters to you. Choose relationships that respect you. Use your gifts. Make thoughtful decisions. Stop performing for approval.

And then shine.

You only get to live this particular life once. Make sure you recognize yourself in it.

Not Sure What “Your Terms” Actually Are?

Living authentically becomes much easier when you understand what matters to you and why. Finding Your Why: Purpose and Direction Collection can help you explore your values, purpose, priorities, and the direction you want your life to take.